'Lakshmi Kalyana Vaibhogame'

There are very few real Vaidikas left in this country, though many of the shastras, sampradayas that is followed widely consider Vedas as the pramana. Many Brahmin families across the country, though not really Vaidikas in the true sense continue to follow some of the Samskaras prescribed in the Vedas.

Vivaha is one such Samskara. We all know that there have been as many as eight different ways of marriage as per the classification and practice available though not all are considered good.

Many in modern times may consider the “rituals” related to vivaha meaningless, they may choose to get married under Special Marriage Act in the sub-registrar’s office if they don’t want Hindu marriage. Some who prefer an Arya Samaj wedding to keep the rituals to minimum and also avoid issues there may be involved in mixed sampradaya marriages. In fact one of the Sutras says since there seems to be divergence in rites of marriage, one should ask the women what procedure is to be followed (for the may know the customs prevalent in that regions, among the community etc.,).

Getting bashed for our rituals are nothing new for practicing Hindus. In Tamil Nadu we have gone through from tearing away the thalis or mangalsutra of women to calling the marriage barbaric because the girl is married off to many before the real marriage happens. That is from the mantras that says for Soma had you, then Gandharva, then agni before she is given to the fourth, her husband. Either you can be a non-believer and have a social marriage, or try to understand if the rituals have a meaning, and if there is a need to follow tradition. But, abuse comes easy and everything related to Hindus sound archaic.

Smritikaras have explained the symbolism of a girl in her growing up years being nurtured at different stages by Soma, Gandharva and Agni as athipathis who assist in physical growth, speech, radiance and purity. There is no literally getting a girl married off to three entities before the human husband ties the knot.

Let that be  ….. there is another point of great debate and feminists don’t miss an opportunity to cry about, the kanyadaan. Today, should we call him an “Hindutva ideologue” proclaimed how he has made a beginning to put an end to commodification of women by ending the practice of kanyadaan. He recently got his daughter’s marriage officiated by a lady priest, a point that won wide appreciation, rightly, came up with a gem later on dropping of the kanyadaan from the marriage rites.

Loud claps and cheer all around, a great reform, a progressive idea, an example how Hinduism adopts changes and what not came from the right quarters. First of all, did anyone ask who compels anyone to have a Brahma vivaha? Is there a compulsion on anyone to go through a form of marriage that is considered best by our Smritikaras or in our Sutras? Only yesterday there was a story in the Economic Times about liquor companies targeting big fat Indian weddings after the Supreme Court shut down highway sales. Which Grihya Sutra recommends liquor to be part of the Hindu wedding? Yet, I believe a barat never leaves the grooms home in north India without liquor being served or consumed.

The problem with the story that is doing the rounds is about belittling a tradition which Mahamahopadhyaya P.V.Kane says in his ‘History of Dharmashastras’, “the main outlines of the marriage samskara show a remarkable continuity for thousand years from the times of Rig Veda down to modern times.” 

“It is in this rite that the father of the girl says that the bride-groom should not prove false to the bride in dharma, artha and kama and he responds with the words:– ‘I shall not do so' (naticarami).  This is done even now.” – Kane 

And how does the groom take the bride – “ I am ama (this), thou art sa (she), thou art this, I am that; I am heaven, thou art the earth; I am the melody, thou art the words. Let us both marry here. Let us beget offspring. Dear to each other, bright, having well disposed minds, may we live for a hundred years.”

It is not as a commodity that a father sells the daughter to the groom for a price. The Asura form of wedding where such a practice existed is condemned by all, and in fact Manu of all the people we would expect comes down heavily on it, and historically there are records to show up to Peshwa times when strictures had to be passed on such a practice and records from Padaiveedu inscriptions Kane quotes to show punishments being prescribed for it.

That is because there was a clear understanding on what an union through Vivaha meant – coming together of a man and woman for having progeny, for performing the duties as householders in pursuit of the purusharthas, dharma, artha, kama and ultimately moksha.

It is silly to look at the concept of vivaha through the contemporary lens of marriage. Today, the man and woman need not be united by anything to be able to produce children. Only yesterday there was a story about the increasing phenomenon of girls marrying themselves, and going on honeymoon all by themselves, that is staying solo. But, a duty bound society where a deva, rishi and pitr runas have to be fulfilled the bride as a dharmapathni becomes the companion who delivers in accomplishing it. Again, no one demands that one stays duty bound. The rishi parampara even if for namesake in gotras have survived for thousands of years, and a few may continue the tradition. Those Hindus who do not want to follow the Vaidika way would do good if they at least don’t drag the tradition to unnecessary controversy and create a phobia in the minds of young Hindus about the Hindu rituals.

‘I take thy hand for prosperity (or love) so that you may grow to old age with me thy husband; the gods, Bhaga, Aryaman, Savitr, the wise Pusan have given thee to me for performing the duties of a house-holder.’ – Soma seeking the hand of Surya daughter of Savitr in Rig Veda. 

Puranas and itihasas have so many instances, varieties of weddings – the celestial wedding of Shiva and Parvati, the Sita swayamwara, the abduction of Rukmini. What matters is the bond, walking down the path of dharma, and choosing a form that is relevant to one's dharma.